I have sat down to write this multiple times and just gotten up before the first word was typed. I thought about making a video, but, I’m too emotional.
I’ve thought about it all long and hard and I just feel like it’s time to vocalize it.
So, here we go.
This is going to be a long post, but, I have a lot to say.
Since late 2014, I’ve written and published sixty-five books. Sixty-four of those have been as Skye Turner and one has been by me writing as Sloane Nicole.
When I started writing with the intent to publish, back in July 2014, I was filled with passion and fire and I couldn’t wait to get my next book out. My fingers just flew and my books were abundant.
For about four years, my “schedule” was one novel every 3-4 months and one short story every 2-3 weeks. I had so many words and so many people were so eager to get their hands on them.
I hit “International Bestseller” with seven of my novels within the first two years of publishing. Hell, my very first release, Alluring Turmoil, was a bestselling book in five countries by the end of the first week.
I was blown away and it only fueled my passion and desire to produce more and give people more of my words and share these stories I created with the world.
By 2016, the book world was a vastly different place. More and more people were self-publishing and book releases were 20+ every single day. Every day.
Authors began to get lost in the shuffle.
I got lost in the shuffle.
Which is ok. I’m not complaining, just explaining.
People began to form “cliques,” much like in middle and high school.
Again, I’m not knocking it. Some people are into cliques. I’m not one of them. I never have been.
Since I was in elementary school, I’ve always been friends, or at least friendly acquaintances, with most people.
I like people. I’m a social person when I’m in a social setting, but, I’m not the type of person who has to talk to all of my friends every single day. I don’t spend hours online in private groups or on social media just talking to people. I don’t have the time or energy for all of that.
Suddenly “friends” of mine, or rather, those I thought were friends, stopped talking to me altogether. These authors that I started publishing with, and had formed what I believed to be genuine friendships with, suddenly stopped sharing my releases.
Though, I still shared theirs every time I saw them.
Again, ok. Some people are like that.
Others who had flocked to befriend me when I was hitting International Bestseller after International Bestseller every three, or so months, whom I had befriended and supported, suddenly hit a “major” list and I was no longer “cool” because the books I was still releasing on my self-imposed schedule weren’t hitting these same lists.
I don’t do fifteen author events a year. I don’t spend hours and hours on social media every day posting and talking to others. I don’t travel with models, date models, marry models, etc. I wasn’t a blogger, or designer, or photographer, or model with mass followings before I released my first book. I’m not a male author (or supposed male author). I don’t post every aspect of my personal life on social media through photos and videos. I don’t belong to a private group where everyone in it sponsors posts for everyone else in the group with every cover reveal/release/sale. I don’t sell my brand new novels, or even novellas, for .99 and I don’t do sales.
Again, I’m not knocking any of these things. They work for those who do them. And, that’s fantastic. I just don’t.
Everyone has a method. And, some people are wildly successful because of the above mentioned things. That’s awesome for them. I’m happy for them. I really am. But, that’s not how I operate.
EVERY book I release has rave reviews, from those who actually buy and read them. But, that’s another issue… Sales aren’t so great now.
I have an author page with over 245K people on it and I guarantee you that not even 4/5ths of them read my books.
Again, that’s fine. Not everyone reads adult romance. I completely understand that. However, to see a page with that many people on it and then to see my sales numbers… it’s extremely frustrating and just downright depressing.
“Book life” has slacked off for me since late last year. My personal life is taking a toll and I only released my first book in over ten months two days ago. Reviews are phenomenal… sales not so much.
I put so much into that book. I pushed through so many things because I wanted to release this book, that I worked so hard on, and just needed to share it with the world.
But, this post isn’t based on Heat Stroke…
Most of you know I was in an accident and that I suffered pretty severe nerve damage in my left hand from the accident as well as a very significant concussion. I pretty much have constant headaches now, with most being migraines.
Well, I’m an author. My hands and head are needed for my job. They are my tools. My head is where my words come from and my hands type them out.
Only now, I can’t do that. I can’t do what I need to do to produce the way I’m used to producing.
Unfortunately, the way I write is that I don’t outline. I don’t strategize. I literally have no idea what my characters will do or what I’ll write until my fingers are on the keys. Once I feel the keys under my fingers, it clicks. The words come. They come fast. But, luckily, I type fast.
Or, I did…
Before my accident, it was “normal” for me to write between 5K and 10K words a day. Every day I wrote.
Now, it’s a struggle to get even 1K. I’ve been trying to learn to re-type without using my pinkie and ring finger. It’s not going well.
I’ve been in Occupational Therapy and I get so incredibly upset and frustrated because things I WANT to do, easy things, like pinching a close pin or picking up a penny, I just can’t. It’s like my brain and hand aren’t connecting. And, it’s taken a toll. A big one.
I have no drive. No passion. No fire.
It’s gone.
I also have other things in my life that I don’t publicize happening and I try so hard to balance, to get everything done, to set things aside, so, I can write, but, I simply can’t.
I have about sixteen books started. I have over thirty covers bought that need books to go with them. I have the ideas for the books in my book journal. Yet, I have no desire to write them.
So, it is with a very heavy heart and a lot of pain that I tell you, I’m not certain that I can do this anymore.
I have several commitments, anthologies and such, that I will honor. I will be writing those books. I will not back out of them.
But, as far as anything else, I’m not sure when, or if, I’ll find my passion again.
I will always write. It’s part of me, but, I will have to see about publishing.
Something may happen and a fire might be lit in my soul again and I’ll not only WANT to, but, I’ll HAVE to get out the words.
That’s not now though.
It may be a few months. It may be a year. It may be ten years, but, until I regain my passion, anything I put out would be shit anyway.
I respect myself and those of you who have read, reviewed, recommended, and loved my words too much to give you a book with no heart.
I may try to focus more on Sloane Nicole over Skye Turner and see if that sparks something.
It’s literally breaking my heart to type these words and I am freely crying as I chicken peck them out.
I sincerely want to thank all of you who have supported me and let me know that my books and words have touched you. I appreciate it so much and I am so grateful for the past few years. I cannot even express how much I love all of you for allowing me to live my DREAM.
I will not be unpublishing ANY of my books, so, there’s that. They will continue to be for sale everywhere they are now. And, there are a lot of them.
I hope and pray that there’s some light at the end of this tunnel for me and I can find the love, joy, and passion I once had for writing and provide you with more books.
Thank you for everything,
Much love and gratitude,
Skye Turner/ Sloane Nicole